haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
