I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize