omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
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At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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