So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
