You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
birth control should be required to get into college
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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