just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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