my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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