the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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