i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There r osticjed everywhere
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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