The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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