soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
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I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.