I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
