i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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