So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
