I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
