her vagine was all disorganized.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
