you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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