it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
