i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
