Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You made out with two different species that night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
