Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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