all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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