I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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