Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
