Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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