well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
