The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
