Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
