Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
