Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
