So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
