I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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