for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
