Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize