dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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