i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
