No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
