One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
