My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
