I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
