I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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