note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
