i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
