winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
