Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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