i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
