Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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