I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dude. I can hear the air.
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