my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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