what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
