i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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