Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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