He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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