If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Drake has all the answers
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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