It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
