i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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