I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
