small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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