so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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