It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
