Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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