dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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