There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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