Nicole vs. Life
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
