tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
