my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
