When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
