you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
