went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm just crazy horny about you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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