come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
