Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
