Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
